I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
