ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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