Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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