he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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