I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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