no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
