Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
