shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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