i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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