before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
