I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize