shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
