You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
