Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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