i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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