If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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