Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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