Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
