dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize