you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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