Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
