and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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