I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
