I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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