My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
