once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think people are normalizing furries
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
