someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
