I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize