Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
