last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
