drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
