So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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