I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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