I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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