Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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