The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
