I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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