the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
