guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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