I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
