His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
