Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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