There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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