Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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