they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
