After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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