4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
