I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
