yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
