Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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