also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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