what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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