I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
