um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
