I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
