I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
