I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
