This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize