I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
