So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
