Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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