Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
