Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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