i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
worst night to have a conscience
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
