He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
