I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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