I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
