your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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