I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize