so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
