When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
