is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
