Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
