if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
