fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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