Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
